


Delicate in Every Way But One

by Gizzwhizz



Series: Kings of Nowhere [5]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Episode Gladio spoilers, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Noct POV, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 02:49:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10630584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gizzwhizz/pseuds/Gizzwhizz
Summary: Noct knows he's not like other people. Still, he does his best to sort out his feelings for the people he cares for the most.Takes place during Shadows Will Scream up to Chapter 27.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so nervous about this because I know I don't see Noct the way a lot of people do, but I hope you all enjoy it. This takes place throughout much of Shadows Will Scream, up through Chapter 27, so you'll probably want to have read that first because there are references to events that won't make any sense otherwise. The title is a line taken from "Glory and Gore" by Lorde because you can't tell me that song doesn't sum up a lot of Gladio and Noct's relationship.

Noctis was seventeen the first time he had any cause to try and put a name to his feelings. He was taking a shortcut down an alley with Prompto, on his way to a diner where they planned to meet Gladio and discuss the possibility of Prompto joining the Crownsguard after High School. The blond himself was a little nervous about the idea, but Noct was hoping he could talk him into it with Gladio’s help. He didn’t like the idea of losing time away from his one real friend outside the Citadel once school ended. 

Noct had been training under Gladio himself for years and perhaps that was why he recognized the instant someone else joined them in the alley. 

Turning, he found a group of three boys had followed them into the tight space. Two hung back, clearly flanking their leader, a boy with dyed red hair that Noct distantly recognized from school. 

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t His Highness and his Outsider sidekick,” the boy sneered. Prompto didn’t even flinch at the jab, but Noct’s hands curled into fists at his sides. 

“Shut your mouth,” he warned, automatically bending his knees to sink into a fighting stance. 

“Noct,” Prompto muttered behind him, “it’s fine.” Noct let his lips part to show teeth with the force of his glare. It wasn’t fine and Prompto shouldn’t have to pretend like it was. 

“Whatcha gonna do about it?” the boy challenged. He hand his hands in his pockets, clearly unperturbed by the fact that Noct looked like a cat ready to pounce. He threw his school bag aside, drawing a dismayed cry from Prompto. 

“Shut your mouth,” he repeated, “or I’ll shut it for you.” 

“Will you now?” the boy purred. Blood roared in his ears and Noct barely even heard Prompto’s desperate “Noct, don’t!” before he was lunging at the boy. He pulled his fist back for a punch at the same time the boy pulled his hands from his pockets. There was a flash of metal and Noct had just enough time to consider that he may have made a serious mistake before he was hit hard from the side and sent sprawling. 

For a moment, all Noct could do was gasp for breath like a fish out of water. The blow had knocked the wind out of him. When at last he could sit up, he found Gladio standing where he had been moments earlier. His eye was closed against a gash that ran from his forehead to his cheek, dripping blood gruesomely down his chin. The boy stared up at the muscle-bound man with the crew cut, his bloodied knife held loosely in his hand. 

“And just where do you get off attacking a member of the Royal Family?” Gladio growled. The boy never had the chance to stutter out a response before Gladio’s fist connected with his face with a sickening crack of splintering cartilage. 

Prompto appeared at Noct’s shoulder to help him up and the two watched a bit numbly as Gladio pummeled the boy into near unconsciousness, finally throwing him to his friends and instructing them to “Get the hell out of here.” They didn’t hesitate to obey, dragging their leader along with them. Once they were gone, Gladio wiped a hand down his face and blinked experimentally, making sure the cut bisecting his eye hadn’t done any permanent damage to his sight. 

“Dude!” Prompto burst out. “That was insane. You almost lost your eye!” Gladio glanced over at them and smirked. 

“Eh, all in a day’s work,” he said with a careless shrug. “You two ready to eat? I’ve certainly worked up an appetite.” 

“You’re joking, right?” Prompto cried. “We can’t go out with you bleeding all over the place!” 

They devolved into a good-natured argument about the merits of going to the hospital—which Gladio flat out refused. Noct watched the exchange silently, wondering about the butterflies that seemed to have taken up residence in his stomach. Everyone knew that Gladio would be named his Shield soon, just as his father was Shield to Noct’s father, but even so his rescue had been…exhilarating. And while Noct certainly wouldn’t wish for his friend and tutor to be hurt, seeing him standing there dripping blood from a wound he only got by defending Noct made his stomach do funny flips. 

Later that night, after Prompto had threatened to get Ignis involved and Gladio had finally consented to letting someone check him out, Noct sat alone in his apartment staring at a blank page in Luna’s journal. He had come home to find Umbra waiting for him and poured over her own entry full of small talk and how glad she was the sylleblossoms were starting to bloom. She had even included a pressed flower as proof. He twirled it delicately between his fingers as he decided what to write.

 Part of him wanted to tell her about what had happened. They told each other everything, after all, but he found himself hesitating. Not because he was embarrassed or because he didn’t want her to worry, but simply because he couldn’t find the words for the way he had felt afterwards. Luna knew that he and Gladio had started out as antagonists, all those years ago, but warmed to each other over the years. She knew that his world mainly consisted of Gladio, Prompto and Ignis these days, with his father held at arms-reach by duties and politics. 

But how could he explain what he had felt in that moment when Gladio has smirked at him with blood dripping down his face? How his heart at beat a bit faster and his mouth gone a bit dry. What did any of that even mean? Something had shifted in that moment, but he couldn’t name what it was. His relationship with Gladio had been growing warmer steadily for years, and now it felt like some final piece had clicked into place. But the final picture was still obscured. 

The more he thought about it, the more he realized it wasn’t so different from how he felt about Luna. More than simply friends but…what then? He had no name for it. Biting his lip, he knew that trying to write all of that out would only result in a nonsensical jumble that would more than likely only succeed in hurting Luna’s feelings. Even he knew it wasn’t the best idea to admit to someone that you had no idea how you actually felt about them. 

Sighing, he set the flower carefully aside and picked up a pen to describe the fight, embellishing Gladio’s roll maybe a little bit though he hardly needed to. 

He didn’t write anything about how the incident made him feel, however. 

* * *

 

It was Ignis who told him about the peace treaty, and the role he would be expected to play in it. 

“His Majesty would have preferred to tell you himself, of course,” Ignis said for probably the third time. Noct wasn’t really listening. Luna. They expected him to marry Luna. Without even asking him. 

“Noct.” He glanced up when Ignis put a hand on his shoulder. The Advisor’s eyebrows were drawn together with concern. “I understand this is a shock. As far as political matches go, however, it could be worse.” 

“You mean at least it’s Luna and not some stranger,” Noct muttered. “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one who has to get _married_.” He shrugged Ignis’ hand off, though instantly felt bad when the Advisor sighed and pushed his glasses up. 

“Apologies. I had assumed you and the Oracle…” Ignis trailed off and Noct found himself blushing and looking anywhere but at his oldest friend. 

“Of course I like Luna,” he muttered, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around himself. “That’s not the problem.” Ignis nodded. 

“This is sudden and you were not consulted. That would frustrate anyone,” Ignis said sympathetically. Noct only shook his head and then laid his forehead against the table they were seated at. He closed his eyes, breathing through his nose. 

Of course he liked Luna. He even loved her…he thought. But weren’t you supposed to want things from the person you loved? Intimate things? The very thought made his stomach clench. Prompto had had a few girlfriends, but Noct had brushed off all advances from either sex (and there had been several. He was a Prince, after all). Even the thought of kissing someone, even Luna, was…unsanitary. He didn’t even like watching it in movies, let alone anything beyond that. Wanting to be a good friend, he’d listened dutifully when Prompto had excitedly described the night he’d lost his virginity, but in all honesty the entire conversation had made him slightly queasy. 

He picked his head up just enough to glance at Ignis again. He worried his bottom lip for a moment. If anyone could help him make sense of all of this it was Ignis, right? 

“I’m only 20,” was what he said instead, trying to pour all of his uncertainty into those three words. “Did you want to get married two years ago?” 

“No,” Ignis said, a bit too sharply and they both winced. Ignis opened his mouth to apologize but Noct waved it away lazily. He’d forgotten. Ignis had been dating Rey two years go. 

“Nevermind,” he muttered, resting his head back on the table again. “You’re right. It’s Luna. So it’ll be fine.” Ignis had been right before. It was far from the worst situation where a political marriage was concerned. And once it was over, they would have the rest of their lives to figure out the rest. Maybe it was only because Noct had never tried to kiss Luna—he had been eight when they had first met—that he felt so adverse to it. The very least he could do was try. 

“Right, well we don’t have much time. We’ll have to get your things packed up and moved back to the Citadel before week’s end.” Ignis sounded a bit relieved to move on to the next task at hand. 

“What?!” Noct gasped, jerking upright in his chair. Ignis gave Noct a level look. 

“The security concerns for you living alone outside the Citadel have been a headache, to say the last, Highness. Remaining outside the Citadel’s protection with your bride, who happens to be the Oracle may I remind you, is simply out of the question.” Ignis only used proper titles like “Highness” these days when he was warning Noct that there would be no arguments on this particular point. Noct groaned and let his head drop back to the wooden table with an audible thud.

* * *

Despite everything, Noct found he was enjoying himself as they made their meandering way to Galdin Quay. He was excited to see Luna again after so long, even if the end result of that meeting would be a marriage he’d never really agreed to. The only thing he found distasteful was when Gladio would poke fun at him about his “Princess.” The others could tease him all he wanted, but something about hearing Gladio say it put a bad taste in his mouth. 

Even though years had passed since the incident with the bully, Noct still felt strange sometimes when he saw the scar running down Gladio’s face. Worse, he still found that his feelings for Luna and Gladio were too similar to fully separate. In many ways, this marriage was forcing him into making choices he’d never wanted to face. He tried to put a brave face on it, however. After all, there wasn’t anything to be done about it now. 

Then they had learned of the attack on Insomnia and he’d nearly thrown up when the radio declared that Luna had been in the city and was presumed dead. He’d wanted to scream. What had she been doing _there_? She was supposed to be waiting for him in Altissia, wasn’t she? Ignis managed to calm him somewhat by pointing out that the news was also reporting that Noct was dead. And then there was the fact that his father was gone. His father who had smiled and waved to him as he left like he hadn’t expected anything bad to happen. Meanwhile Noct, impatient to leave and still miffed about the marriage, had barely even said goodbye. 

For a few days he had let himself drown in his grief, and his friends and simply let him. He knew none of them knew quite what to say and that was fine. Silence was fine. Perfect even. Until Cor had charged him with finding the Royal Tombs and rekindled his spirit like relighting a blown pilot light. Something about fighting with the Marshall, and especially taking out a Niff blockade, did wonders to lift Noct’s spirits. It was almost the same as when they had started out on this journey. While he could do nothing about what had already happened or decisions that had been made without him, he could decide what to do next. And that little bit of power was a balm on his bruised heart. 

Still, he quickly switched off any radio that dared to mention the vigils and memorials taking place for Luna in Altissia and Tenebrea. 

Then they’d reached Lestallum and Iris had told him she was sure Luna had made it out of the city, though she hadn’t seen it herself, and he’d very nearly hugged her. The rest of the day had passed in a happy blur, touring the maze-like city with Iris and then settling down to play cards with Gladio in their hotel room. For the first time since the news of Insomnia had reached them he felt good enough to even trade jabs with Gladio while they played, the familiarity making his heart swell. 

But, of course, Gladio had ruined it all when he blew up at Prompto after the blond hesitantly confessed to struggling with anxiety. It seemed that Ignis had known for some time, but Noct was completely taken aback, both by his best friend’s secret and Gladio’s volatile reaction. Perhaps predictably, Prompto had fled the scene and really what choice did Noct have but to go after him?

* * *

Everything happened too quickly after that. Reconciliations, headaches, visions, fighting an Astral. And all of that in the course of a few days. Noct’s head was practically spinning and it was all he could do to simply go with it. 

Meanwhile, Ignis and Prompto had become an item and that too threw Noct off balance. He was happy for his friends, of course. He’d seen both of them through less than ideal relationships and he could tell just in the way they looked at each other that this was different. This was special. But on the other hand, if that look was love than maybe he never had really loved Luna, or Gladio for that matter. He couldn’t imagine looking at anyone that way. Or maybe it was different for everyone. Without any personal experience, Noct had no way of knowing and he certainly wasn’t going to make a fool of himself by asking. 

As happy as he was for his friends, however, he found himself averting his eyes from them more often than not as time went on, nearly afraid of intruding on anything intimate. It made him uncomfortable, though he tried not to show it. 

It wasn’t until the night that Prompto was poisoned by a naga that he truly understood what love was. Ignis, who was usually so calm and collected, had been frantic, his voice edging on hysterics when he’d reported that the Remedy he’d given Prompto was barely helping. They needed an Antidote. 

“Wiz will have some for his birds,” Noct reasoned as they all hurried back to the front of the cave, Ignis carrying Prompto who was limp and pale as death. “Take mine, he’s fastest,” he added when they reached the chocobos. Ignis wasted no time settling Prompto at the front of the teal chocobo’s saddle and swinging himself up behind him. He grabbed the reigns in one hand and wrapped the other around Prompto and then they were racing away into the rain. 

“Wow,” Noct murmured after a few minutes had passed. “Specs is really in love with him, isn’t he?” 

“No shit,” Gladio huffed, making Noct jump. He hadn’t even realized he’d spoken out loud. “Well, better make ourselves comfy for the night,” Gladio announced, settling himself in the dry mouth of the cave. 

“What?” Noct frowned, turning to him. “We’re not going after them?” Gladio only shook his head. As he did, Noct’s eyes caught on Gladio’s scar and he imagined for an instant what he would do if it was Gladio who had been poisoned. Would he be so worried? And even if he was, what would that mean? He blinked hard when Gladio spoke again. 

“It’s dark and visibility is poor. We could easily be overrun or taken by surprise. No. We wait until morning.” 

Noct’s stomach dropped and he glanced back out into the rain. 

“We gave them the most experienced bird,” Gladio said, as if reading his mind. “They’ll outrun any daemons that show up, easy.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Noct sighed, finally moving to sit against the opposite wall of the cave. 

“Of course I’m right,” Gladio muttered, folding his arms. “I’ll take the first watch. Try to get some sleep.” 

Noct shivered against the cold stone, but nodded. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself and let his head drop against his chest, resolutely closing his eyes. It wasn’t so easy to quiet his mind, however, and he couldn’t keep himself from worrying about Prompto. 

He knew that, in the absolute worst case, Ignis had two Phoenix Downs that Noct’s father had sent with them. A Phoenix Down was the ultimate form of elemancy, a supremely powerful curative that could bring someone back from the brink of death. These, however, had been made using King Regis’ magic and none of them had any idea if the King’s death had left them inert, his magic dying with him. Ignis had bothered Noct more than once to make replacements, but Noct had found reasons to put off the requests each time. 

For one thing, creating even one Phoenix Down would likely knock him out for the rest of the day. An item that powerful required not only magic but a bit of lifeforce as well. It’s why they were extremely difficult and dangerous to craft. Of course his father, who thought nothing of letting The Wall slowly sap his life away, would never balk at the idea of giving up a bit more of his life for a curative, but Noct found the idea a bit frightening, not to mention invasive. 

Just at the moment, however, he wished he’d agreed to Ignis’ requests. As his friends raced through the rain, he found himself praying to any Astral that would listen that it wouldn’t come to that. 

“I can hear you thinking from here,” Gladio muttered, making Noct jerk his head up. Gladio dropped his hands to slap his knees and stood. “He’ll be alright. Iggy will take care of him. In the meantime, if you can’t sleep let’s at least find that last runestone while we wait.” Noct stared up at him for a moment, but found he had no argument for that and pushed himself up as well, turning to lead the way back into the cave. 

They had cleared out most of the cave before the naga appeared and so it took more walking than fighting to find the final runestone and accept Ramuh’s blessing. After that, accepting the Astral’s mark coupled with the walk back to the cave entrance finally succeeded in exhausting Noct enough to let him drop gratefully into sleep the next time Gladio offered.   

He didn’t remember the dream that made him wake up screaming, but then again he rarely did. All he knew was that his face was wet and his instincts were telling him to fight the hands trying to hold him down. 

“Godsdamnit, Noct, cut it out,” Gladio’s gruff voice finally reached him and he stopped struggling. Still breathing hard, Noct squinted up at his Shield in the darkness. Usually it was Ignis he sought out after a nightmare, but then he remembered that Ignis wasn’t here. No doubt he was busy trying to keep Prompto alive. A small whimper escaped him at that thought. 

“He said he heard something,” Noct choked out. “I should have listened.” 

“Hey, we all ignored it,” Gladio reasoned, not needing to ask what Noct was talking about. “You know how Prompto gets underground.” But Noct was already shaking his head, rubbing at his eyes as they stung with more tears. 

“No. I almost got us all killed facing off against Titan and then I didn’t even wait to jump to the next thing. We were all tired and hurt and I pushed us on anyway. Gods, please, I can’t lose anyone else.” He hid his face completely in his hands at that. Suddenly there were strong arms around him and he felt himself being pulled into a warm, broad chest. Noct swallowed and peeked between his fingers to see the inked head of a bird. Gladio’s open jacket hid the rest of the world like a curtain. 

“This wasn’t your fault,” Gladio said sternly. “We were all there and it happened anyway. It could have happened to any of us.” 

Noct said nothing but he didn’t break free of the hold either. It was nice. Gladio was bigger and stronger than either Ignis or Prompto and he felt safe in the Shield’s arms. Safe in a way he normally only felt while dozing in the back of the Regalia. 

“Scoot over,” Gladio muttered. 

“What?” Noct nearly squeaked, but Gladio was already resettling himself against the wall beside Noct. Then he pulled Noct closer, nearly into his lap in fact. He rewrapped his arms around Noct then, squeezing just a bit as he did. 

“This is what Iggy does when you have a nightmare, right?” Gladio asked. Noct swallowed as Gladio settled back and his cheek landed on a warm pectoral. 

_Ignis doesn’t make my heart feel like it’s about to jump out of my chest,_ he thought, suddenly hoping that Gladio couldn’t feel it. 

“Y-yeah,” he muttered. “Something to do with hugging and endorphins or something. He explained it once but I wasn’t listening.” 

Gladio laughed and Noct felt the vibration in his chest at the same time as he felt the bigger man’s breath shift his hair. Butterflies danced in his abdomen and yet he felt his body relaxing rather than tensing up. Gladio smelled like sandalwood and the oil he used on his sword. It was almost as relaxing as the sylleblossom smell he associated with Luna, and he felt his body go limp in his friend’s arms. 

“Thanks,” he murmured, nearly asleep again before he knew it. 

“Anytime, Noct,” Gladio said quietly. Not Prince Charmless or brat or any of the other semi-affectionate nicknames Gladio had given him over the years. Just Noct. Tonight he could just be Noct. 

He fell back asleep with a smile on his lips, thoroughly enjoying how his head rose and fell against Gladio’s broad chest.

* * *

The next morning, Gladio gently nudged him awake and neither of them mentioned how Noct had to scramble off of him in order to stand. The rain had finally stopped and Gladio wasted no time tying the reigns of Prompto’s abandoned chocobo to the saddle of his own. Noct mounted Ignis’ bird and then they were headed back to Wiz’s outpost. 

The ride was quick and thankfully uneventful, and even better Wiz was waiting for them, ready to assure them that it had been a close thing but he’d given Prompto an Antidote in time. Noct sagged against his bird in relief at that news, and only Gladio’s hand on his shoulder kept him from collapsing entirely. The simple touch was more comforting than Noct had expected and he found himself grinning at his bodyguard like an idiot. 

Thankfully, Prompto himself appeared before he could say or do anything he might regret later. He looked even paler than normal and a bloody bandage covered the bite mark, but other than moving a bit stiffly he seemed in good spirits. Noct cursed himself for hesitating to reach for his friend, but was grateful when Prompto understood perfectly and hugged him first. Noct could only hug him back, barely wanting to let go, as if Prompto might disappear if he did. 

The three of them passed the day lazily under an umbrella at one of Wiz’s tables, making mindless small talk and simply enjoying each other’s presence. Ignis never appeared, but Prompto told them the Advisor had been up all night nursing him so they let him sleep. Eventually, however, Prompto began to throw glances back at the cabin and Noct knew without asking that he was being drawn back to Ignis as surely as if pulled by a magnet. 

He wondered, not for the first time, what that must feel like. 

After Prompto was gone, he headed to the camper, with Gladio, eager for a shower after spending a night half-soaked in a cave. They never quite made it, however, because Cindy called. 

And then Iris did as well, tearfully relating the raid on Lestallum and Jared's death. 

Noct had to admit he couldn’t remember how Gladio had reacted to the news of his father’s death. He had been too wrapped up in his own grief to pay much attention to how his friends reacted to Insomnia’s fall. But it certainly hadn’t been like this. 

Noct could only watch as Gladio summoned his sword and attacked the nearest tree with a roar. It took him only three strokes to cut through the thick trunk, and then he moved on to the next one. Noct crossed his arms over his chest, his own heart twisting with the raw emotions pouring off of Gladio in waves. He didn’t cry or even make much noise after the initial shout, but only carried out a steady stream of destruction that made Noct hurt in places he never knew could hurt before. 

In the end, that pain kept him from interfering and he might have stayed frozen there all night, watching Gladio slowly destroy the forest, if Prompto hadn’t shown up and offered his own solution of revenge. It was a bit shocking coming from Prompto, of all of them, but Noct found the solution more than satisfying and so did Gladio, apparently, if the way he finally dematerialized his sword and disappeared into the camper was anything to go by. 

Trying to feign normalcy, Noct stretched and yawned before agreeing to hammer out the details in the morning and following Gladio back into the camper while Ignis and Prompto retreated back to Wiz’s house. 

Once inside, Noct pulled the door shut and stopped. Gladio was standing in the middle of the kitchen area, hands fisted at his sides. He didn’t react to the sound of the door, didn’t even turn to face Noct. He only stood there. 

Noct thought he’d never seen anyone look so alone. 

It crossed his mind to say something, but what could he say, really? “Sorry” wasn’t nearly good enough and anything else was worse. So instead of speaking he simply took a step forward, then another one, and another until he was directly behind his Shield. Hoping he wouldn’t provoke a violent reaction he wrapped his arms around Gladio from behind, squeezing as tightly as he could and laying his head against the warrior’s back. 

“What are you doing?” Gladio asked, tensing slightly in Noct’s hold. His voice sounded wrong, too gruff even for him. 

“Endorphins, remember?” Noct said into Gladio’s loose jacket. His hands were clasped over naked skin and he bit his lip at contrast with the cloth against his cheek. 

Gladio actually laughed, though it sounded like it wanted to be a sob. Noct swallowed hard and forced the next sentence out of his mouth before he could think too hard about it. 

“Come lay down with me?” he asked. “You kept watch all last night. You need to rest,” he hurried to explain. Gladio remained silent for so long that Noct was sure he was about to be turned down at the least, if not something worse. 

“Yeah, alright,” Gladio finally muttered. He moved forward and Noct let his arms fall away in surprise. Gladio took one of the narrow camper beds, facing towards the wall, and Noct hesitated for only a moment before slipping in behind him. They lay on top of the covers, fully clothed, as Noct pressed himself to Gladio’s back and wrapped his arms around him again. 

Noct sighed and thought that now he had an answer to his musings from the night before, of what he would do if Gladio had been poisoned. Because now he had been and Noct’s heart ached for the other man, just as much as it ever had when he’d first thought Luna was dead. He closed his eyes, keeping himself pressed close to Gladio as much to give comfort as to take it. 

As much as he wanted to be sure Gladio was alright, he found himself drifting off all too easily. Somewhere on the very edge of consciousness, in that twilight place between waking and dreaming where truth lies, he thought that if this wasn’t love he would simply have to give up trying to understand the elusive emotion altogether.

* * *

After that night, it became a habit for them to share a bed even when another was available. Back in Lestallum once more, neither of them argued when Ignis once again booked two rooms. Gladio never questioned the arrangement, so Noct never tried to explain it. But without fail, each night, Noct would crawl into the bed that Gladio had claimed and snuggle close to the Shield’s larger body. 

It was warmth and comfort like Noct had never known, like each night he won back a piece of himself he hadn’t known was missing until just that moment. On their way to Cape Caem, he’d barely even attempted to hide the behavior from Ignis and Prompto when the four shared a room for the first time in ages, but thankfully neither his friend or his Advisor seemed to notice. 

Part of him wondered why Gladio accepted it so easily. And part of him worried each night that Gladio would put a stop to it, calmly explain that he preferred the company of women and they had to stop. Noct wasn’t an idiot. He knew Gladio didn’t swing that way. But did it matter so much when Noct didn’t crave anything beyond what they had? Come to that, Noct wasn’t even sure of what way he swung, if any way at all. He didn’t want kisses or lewd touches or any of it. But just to be close and to be held. That was more than enough to fill his heart. And maybe that was strange, it certainly felt strange even to him, but it was how he felt without question. 

But Gladio never brought it up. 

And then he left.

* * *

“Well I better be headin’ out,” Cindy said as she stood after they had all shared dinner in the cabin at Cape Caem. 

“Hold up a minute, will ya?” Gladio requested. Then he turned to Noct, folding his arms across his chest. 

“Listen. I got something I have to take care of. So you three are going to have to handle getting this ore stuff on your own. You good with that?” 

Noct opened his mouth and then shut it again, blinking up at Gladio. He wasn’t asking to leave, he was informing him. Worse, it was so impersonal. Clearly, Gladio didn’t want him to know where he was going or why. A fist squeezed Noct’s heart for just a moment, but he rechanneled the pain before it could do him any real damage. Instead, he scowled up at Gladio and crossed his own arms. 

“Whatever. It’s not like I could stop you anyway,” he muttered. 

“You know me so well,” Gladio said with a grin before turning to go. That was all he offered by way of good-bye. The door shut behind him with a sense of finality. 

“I’m going to bed,” Noct suddenly announced, turning and practically stomping up the stairs to the spare bedroom. He let the door slam behind him, not caring what the others thought. Let them think their immature prince was throwing a tantrum. Was that so far from the truth? He threw himself down on the smaller of the two beds, tugging off his boots and crawling under the covers with a huff. 

And where did Gladio get off talking to him like that, anyway? Like he was some angsty teenager again. Once, seventeen had seemed impossibly older than fourteen, but twenty-three and twenty weren’t so far apart. Gladio was hardly in a position to act like he knew better. 

For a while, he let his anger simmer, but by the time he heard Ignis and Prompto enter quietly and get ready for bed he knew that wasn’t why he was still awake. The bed was cold and empty. Ridiculously enough, he’d grown so used to Gladio’s presence in the last few weeks that he knew he’d never sleep without it. Noct, the Prince of Napping, couldn’t sleep without his Shield to hold him. It should have made him feel immature and disgusted in himself, but all he felt was something closer to sadness. 

Turning over, he could just make out the shapes of Ignis and Prompto cuddled close in the other bed. For the first time, jealousy bubbled like molten lead under his skin. They looked so peaceful and so _happy_. He realized for the first time that Ignis had probably smiled more in the last month than the previous six months combined. And Prompto…Prompto was always bubbly but it felt so much more genuine now that Noct wondered how he could have ever been fooled by his friend’s false smile before. 

_That’s how Gladio makes you feel,_ his mind whispered and he huffed and pulled the covers up around his ears. 

_And Luna, too,_ he thought back fiercely. _You can’t love two people.  
_

_Why not?  
_

_I don’t even know if I am in love, with either of them,_ Noct nearly whispered out loud. 

_I think only you can decide what love is, really._

It wasn’t the first time he’d had this kind of “discussion” with himself, though it usually took place in a dream with the other voice belonging to a small creature that appeared to be some mix between a fox and a cat. Carbuncle…the “protector” his father had gifted him after he’d nearly died as a child. 

_Just leave me alone. I’m trying to sleep,_ Noct thought. It was a lie, he knew. He wouldn’t sleep tonight. But the other voice remained silent. 

After staring blearily at the ceiling for most of the night, Noct finally gave up all pretense of sleeping shortly after dawn. He got up as quietly as he could, found his bag waiting for him at the foot of his bed, and snuck off for a shower. By the time he returned, slipping silently back into the room, Ignis’ alarm was chirping. He heard murmured voices from the other bed, but resolutely kept his eyes away. Then he heard other noises and turned almost without thinking about it. 

For a moment all he could do was stare. On the one hand, he still found the sight of kissing abhorrent, but on the other he was fascinated by the amount of passion in such a simple act. It made his stomach clench and his eyes burn. He still didn’t want to do that with Gladio, but he wanted the sentiment of the movement. Wanted it so badly that it hurt. 

Before he could stop himself he’d picked up one of his pillows and hurled it at Prompto’s head, feeling a bit of sick satisfaction when the blond squawked in surprise. 

“I _really_ didn’t need to see that,” Noct found himself growling. 

“Dude, what is your deal?” Prompto shot back with a glare. Noct glared right back for exactly three seconds and then dropped his gaze, fighting a flush of shame that threatened to creep up his neck. Prompto hadn’t deserved that, and neither had Ignis. He felt his shoulders deflate. 

“I didn’t sleep,” Noct admitted. 

“You didn’t have nightmares, did you?” Prompto asked, surprise and concern coloring his voice. Noct frowned at the floor. Even if he had, it wasn’t as if he could have done anything about it. He wasn’t about to disturb them just to ask Ignis to give him a hug over a stupid dream. Before, yes, but not now. 

 “Just get dressed so we can get going.” Noct shouldered his bag and left the room before they could ask him anything else. 

He hoped he might at least doze off in the Regalia. It was the one place he had always felt safest, after all. Unfortunately, he ended up largely faking it as they drove across the countryside and was instead treated to his friends’ half-informed discussion of his love life. He nearly broke in several times, but what could he say? That he did love Gladio, and Luna both, but even the thought of kissing either of them him sick? 

No, it was easier to keep pretending to be asleep.

* * *

The second that the “hunter” in the power plant had spoken, Noct thought he knew who he was. But it was loud and he couldn’t trust that he wasn’t just hearing what he wanted to hear so he kept his mouth shut and focused on clearing out the daemons until they were back on the streets of Lestallum. That’s when Gladio took his helmet off and Noct suddenly couldn’t get out of his protective suit fast enough. 

He found himself staring at the new marks revealed as Gladio stripped his own suit off. He now had a scar running perpendicular to his old one, just over his eyebrow. Worse, he was sporting a nasty looking burn mark cutting a diagonal swath down his chest.   

“I figured you guys would end up back here at some point,” Gladio said in answer to some question Prompto had muttered, “and I decided to pick up a few hunting jobs and earn some money while I waited.” He shrugged as he folded up the suit and handed it back over to Holly. 

“You could have called!” Noct huffed. He almost wanted to punch the other man, but he knew the act would do far more damage to his hand than to Gladio himself. 

“I could have,” he agreed, making Noct’s blood boil even more. “Now let’s head back to the Leville, huh? I need a shower and you guys smell like a rancid fish tank.” 

After detouring to get their bags from the car, Noct found himself asking Ignis to book them two rooms this time. The Advisor would have likely done it regardless, but he wanted to be sure. He needed time alone with Gladio. Time to talk. 

Absorbed with the task of trying to order his thoughts, Noct barely noticed anything around him as he followed Gladio to their usual room. He tried to start in on the bodyguard immediately, before he lost his nerve, but Gladio insisted on showers first and promptly disappeared into the bathroom. 

Sighing, Noct collapsed on one of the beds and stared up at the ceiling, scowling lightly. What was he even going to say? 

_‘I missed you’ might be a good place to start,_ that unhelpful voice offered. Noct huffed and threw an arm over his eyes. They were burning with exhaustion and probably bloodshot, but he hardly cared. They should have had this talk weeks ago, maybe even years ago. He could wait a few more minutes. 

When Gladio finally emerged in a cloud of steam and a hotel towel, Noct hurried past him for his own turn. The hot water was calming, and now he was glad to steal as many extra minutes as he could. Because there was a very real possibility that he was about to ruin everything with this. Even if Gladio (who liked women, he reminded himself) wasn’t grossed out by his attraction, he would certainly think Noct was a freak for his complete lack of interest in intimacy. 

Not for the first time, he took a moment to close his eyes and take himself in hand under the warm spray of water. He tried to think of Gladio, then of Luna, but neither produced any results. It was like that part of him simply didn’t work. Dropping his hand away, he finished soaping himself up and turned the water off, snatching a towel and roughly rubbing himself dry. 

When he opened the door, he found that Gladio had pulled on a set of boxers and was flipping through channels on the television. Noct moved past him and, trusting his friend by now not to look, changed into his own sleeping attire: a loose T-shirt and a set of boxers. When he turned back, Gladio turned off the television without a word. 

Noct swallowed hard in the sudden silence, standing by the second bed while Gladio watched him from the first one. 

“Just spill it, already,” Gladio finally said. “I can tell you’ve got something to say.” 

“I missed you,” Noct blurted out, and then felt his neck go red. “I…I mean…it was really shitty to just up and leave like that, okay?” he added, muttering to his toes. 

“Noct,” Gladio said, and waited for the prince to look up. When he did, Noct found that Gladio had changed position, crossing his legs and siting up on the bed. “What are we doing?” 

The words pulled all the breath from Noct like a physical blow and for a moment all he could do was work his mouth. 

“I…” 

“You love me, right?” Gladio suddenly asked. It was said like a clinical fact and Noct nearly winced. It should never be said that way, in the same tone someone would use to discuss the weather. “Noct…you know I don’t swing—” 

“Wait, stop! Don’t…” Noct cried suddenly, floundering for a way to explain himself. “Just, just let me explain. I don’t….I mean…I…” 

He was painfully aware that he was trembling slightly and he couldn’t seem to look away from Gladio, who was looking infuriatingly cool and detached about all of this. Noct opened his mouth again, but a sudden sound stopped him. A sound form next door. 

Prompto. Obviously crying out at the peak of passion. 

Noct’s eyes opened wide and he could only wonder what he must look like with his complexion waring between turning red or green as he tried desperately not to think about what would make Prompto sound that way. 

Gladio burst out laughing, but he stopped the moment he saw Noct’s face. The older man frowned, and then he tilted his head as if suddenly realizing the answer to a riddle. 

“Noct,” he said slowly, “you don’t like to think about Iggy and Propmto having sex, do you?” 

Noct shook his head quickly, the redness wining out. 

“And it’s not just because it’s them, is it? You don’t like to think about anyone doing that,” he continued. 

Noct shook his head again and wrapped his arms around himself. The admission made him feel naked, even though he hadn’t said a word. 

“Do you even like kissing?” 

He shook his head a third time and closed his eyes. 

“Somethings…wrong with how my brain is wired or something,” Noct finally whispered. “I don’t like any of that stuff. It feels…gross.” Gladio let out a great whoosh of air and Noct dared to peek up and see him running his fingers through his hair. 

“Noct, there’s nothing wrong with you,” Gladio said gently. “You’re not the only one. Some people just aren't interested in sex. Have you ever thought you might be asexual?" 

Noct just stared at him. All these years, and there was a word for it. A word for what he was. And it wasn’t just him? His eyes burned again and this time his vision blurred. 

“I’m…not the only one?” his voice was as small as a child’s and under other circumstances he might have hated that. At the moment, however, he was too overwhelmed to care. 

“Of course not. Noct…why didn’t you ever say anything?” Gladio asked, his voice so gentle it was almost a whisper. 

“I didn’t know how,” Noct gasped out, rubbing at his face as a few errant tears escaped. “You’re right. I do love you. And I love Luna, too. But I never wanted to…do things with either of you. So I thought I must be wrong. How could I love either of you if I didn’t want that?” He shook his head. He could feel his nose starting to run but he absolutely refused to sniffle. “It all felt wrong.” 

He almost jumped in surprise when familiar, strong arms wrapped around him. He leaned into the embrace immediately. It felt like coming home. 

“Nothing about you is wrong,” Gladio said, resting his chin on Noct’s head. 

“But…you don’t love me back,” Noct found himself whispering. He wished he could take it back immediately and nearly pulled away, but Gladio tightened his hold, keeping him trapped. 

“Don’t you want to know where I went?” Gladio asked. Before Noct could answer he went on, “I’ll tell you guys the whole story later, but the short version is I needed to prove to myself I was strong enough to be your Shield. After Ravus…I had to know. So I decided to take a set of trails, and winning the trials means being recognized as the true Shield of the King.” Gladio paused, clearly gathering his thoughts. 

“My father never underwent the trials. They’re considered unnecessary to be named Shield, probably because most people don’t come back. But things are different now and I had to be sure I could protect you. Do you honestly think I would have done that—would have risked my life—if you were only…” Gladio trailed off, struggled for a moment to find the right word but ultimately shook his head and fell silent. 

Noct stared at Gladio’s bare chest, trying to avoid touching the raw burn even though Gladio was holding him so close. 

“I learned something too, while you were gone,” Noct said when he could finally trust his voice again. His tears had dried up now and he only felt horribly tired. Wrung out, even. “I can’t sleep without you anymore.” A chuckle vibrated through his body at that. 

“That makes two of us,” Gladio murmured. Noct closed his eyes at those words and let Gladio guide him to the bed he’d been reclining on. Wordlessly, they crawled in together and Noct curled up in Gladio’s embrace like a cat in a patch of sunlight. 

Noct still had questions. Still wasn’t entire sure he understood his own feelings, let alone Gladio’s. But what he did know was that he could live happily forever within the warmth of Gladio’s arms and that was enough for now.  


End file.
